ack!

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About ack!

  • Rank
    ゴーグルヘッド
  • Birthday 07/13/1987

Role Play Details

  • Favorite RP Genre
    Modern, Romance, Fandom
  • Role Playing Style
    Very slow with posts above four paragraphs long
  • Favorite Character
    Hunter Thomas Jeznach
  • Current Roleplays
    Meet Me at Atatakai Onsen: http://www.surreality-rp.com/topic/1061-meet-me-at-atatakai-onsen/
  • Complete/Retired Role Plays
    Adventure 03: http://www.surreality-rp.com/topic/38-adventure-03/

    The Enemy of My Enemy: http://www.surreality-rp.com/topic/168-the-enemy-of-my-enemy/
    Free as the Fountain: http://www.surreality-rp.com/topic/149-free-as-the-fountain/
    Fallen Stars Among the Owls: http://www.surreality-rp.com/topic/107-fallen-stars-among-the-owls/
  • Favorite Roleplay
    Chasing Clouds

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Albany, NY
  • Occupation
    Front End Web Developer
  • Interests
    web design, web development, drawing, pokemon, digimon movies, traveling, birds, absurd and raunchy humor, friends, stuff, sleeping

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  1. It Won't Be For Long

    Erwin's eyes snapped open. He sucked in a breath and groaned it right back out as he ran his hand down his face. The laptop on his belly swayed and teetered and smashed to the floor. Twisting his body to look over the edge of the small loveseat, Erwin muttered a curse under his breath. "Fuck... What..." Erwin shook his head, eyes wobbling up to look at the digital clock under the television. 8PM. He slept for six hours. How did that happen? Erwin hated naps. Erwin hated breaks, honestly. Erwin hated being restless and bored and stagnant... And being in Levi's house was making him all of these things. Being alone and bored made his mind run too wild into places he had worked his whole life to ignore. To think, he had only been here for two days. He really needed to get out of here soon. Placing a heavy foot on the floor, Erwin rolled off of the couch and stood up straight to stretch. His back popped and cracked all the way up through his elbows and knees. He moaned out and shook out his limbs as he limped into the kitchen to greet his host in the kitchen. "Good evening, Levi." He smacked his lips, moved to the refrigerator, opened it, but closed it soon after as he turned to lean against the counter. He smiled down at Levi, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he rubbed a palm to into his eyes. "Sorry about Gunner. He's just as nervous as I am, I think." Swaying off the counter, he lumbered over to the paper towels, pulled off one too many squares, and roamed around until he found the pile of kitty barf and picked it up in one scoop. He shivered at the sensation, walked it to the trash, and dropped it in. Moving to the sink, he washed his hands with soap before turning off the faucet and turning back to Levi. Levi had become a decently close friend over the past few years. They never hung out without Mike as a buffer before recently, but he'd had a few relatively revealing conversations over messenger that may or may not have involved alcohol on lonely nights. It was those conversations that prevented Erwin from venturing alone with Levi--it's what made him hesitant to accept the invite that Levi had offered. Because, what wasn't charming about this elegant small man? Well off and successful, clean and well put together, quiet and mysterious, humorous and blunt. Erwin didn't have a crush on Levi. And he definitely didn't feel the heat around his neck as he thought of the time he said Levi was cute when he was far too drunk to remember to censor himself. "Do you need help with cooking?" Erwin said, and it came out like a croak. "I warn you: I'm not that great." He offered a genuine smile, and he hoped it would hide the red creeping across his skin.
  2. "It won't be for long" he had written. And he meant it. He didn't intend to stay unemployeed for long. Thirty-five and growing soft in all the unsavory places, he couldn't be crashing at his friend Levi's house for longer than a few months. Erwin was well respected, well educated, and well liked in his school district. He had a powerful rolodex of references. However, his last school underwent some budget cuts, and his department of two was cut in half, and unfortunately he was the half to go. He had his resume into every school's inbox in a fifty mile radius, and he was willing to expand it larger than that. Surely somebody would bite. He was well respected, well educated, and well liked after all. And he was growing soft in all the most unsavory places. Erwin leaned his head back on the arm rest of the loveseat. Everything about Levi's apartment matched his stature--small, stylish, and crafted with purpose. Even though he made well for himself, he was minimalistic, including his furniture in his living room. Erwin kicked his feet along the edge of the couch, bit his lip as he checked the same job posting board for the fifth time in three hours. His cat, Gunner, swatted at his foot once before he hissed him away--another reason why Erwin had to move out. Levi wasn't really an "animal person". And Erwin wasn't really "clean". And they kind of "fought a lot", if he was being honest. With a groan, he threw his head back and slapped his laptop shut. Closing his eyes, he figured he'd take a little nap before his new housemate got home.
  3. What's up?

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  4. What's up?

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  5. Unconventional

    Daisuke laughed softly. "Yeah," he said, distantly. It sounded as if he was longing for something different, like a conversation from the past. "I guess. I guess not." He raised his head to look at Ken, but he couldn't match his eyes. He focused on his lips, but felt the flush rising in his cheeks again, causing him to avert his gaze to someplace past his head. "I'm sorry." He ran the back of his hand against his eyes, slumped into himself as he tried to compose himself. Trying to pick up the pieces of himself was difficult when he had no idea what they had even constructed before. Who the fuck was he? Who was he without the people around him? Without Ken? "I'm good at making decisions when it matters." He said, not even sure if he believed that either. But decisions about himself... Yeah, they didn't matter as much. "Not that... Not that this doesn't matter." He corrected himself. He got to his feet, stretching his back absently. "I'm going to go find out where V-mon went. I'm not so hungry anymore." He watched the river for a lingering minute, until he turned away from Ken. He was running away, he knew it. And he was pretty sure Ken knew it too. He was an expert in it, after all.
  6. Unconventional

    He was so stupid. He was always like this. He acted before he thought, and sometimes that worked out. When they were all working on saving the Digital World all those years ago, he did it all the time. Things just worked out. But there was a very important key factor to that: he had his friends to believe in. He'd pull the trigger, and they were the bullet. He didn't have them in this case. It was just him. And he was shooting blanks. Daisuke ran a hand down his face, sighed out heavy and long. No, it's not what he thought. He didn't think kissing Ken was wrong--it was the most right thing he could ever have done. It was the implication that nothing could happen going forward that crushed him. That this was the only time he'd ever be able to feel his lips against his, and that crushed him--completely. Was he just thinking ahead? Maybe Ken... Could change? Maybe they could just forget it all for real? Forget the standards, forget who they're supposed to be so they can... No... "Y-yeah... Yeah. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..." He was so warm. He had never felt so connected to Ken, and how could he possibly be sorry about that? How could that be a mistake? He turned it in his head, tried to find words, tried to fight back the tears that wanted to breach his eyes. Say something, Daisuke. Say anything. Ken's heart was railing in his ears, there was a panic that flooded his chest and he felt like he was going to drown. He had to say something. "I just don't know what to do, Ken. I..." He breathed. "I..." He couldn't say it. He couldn't fucking say it, and the tears came down before he could stop them.
  7. Unconventional

    Daisuke grounded his hands on Ken's shoulders. He sucked in air against Ken's lips, his own quivering against them. Ken was kissing him. He leaned into it, felt it all--Ken's body against his, the way his lips moved timidly with his lead, even how it tasted... Like butterscotch, for some reason. He smiled, running his hands down Ken's arms, letting them rest and grasp elbows. He jarred him forward, took Ken's mouth more completely, let his inhibitions falter in the face of their eagerness. Slipping his arms around Ken's waist, he beckons Ken's lips open with his chin, lets his tongue taste the sweetness of the skin there. He tries to keep focused, tries not to let his legs fall out from under him. He had never been hungry for anything so much in his life. When would it end, though? They were syncing, but Ken was still erratic. He was going to lose him to panic, and he felt just a little bit like he was taking advantage. Ken was kissing him, but did he want to? Ken in his right mind would never... But he was so comforting. Like a warm bath, he was engulfed in the feeling. It brought a heat to his cheeks and the tips of his ears. He drew Ken's body closer to him as he tilted his head, let his tongue roll against Ken's, and he knew... No, it had been a mistake. His eyebrows furrowed, and he groaned against Ken's mouth and leaned back. He brought a hand to his mouth and shook his head. Their heartbeats were railing in his ears, and he was making him nauseous. They kissed. They kissed and he couldn't take it back, and Ken didn't want it. Not really. Why would he? They couldn't do anything with this. They would never stay here. Going back home wouldn't fix anything. He felt one knee loosen. He felt so much heavier than he ever had, like gravity had increased without notice. He grabbed onto Ken's shirt for purchase, but it didn't help. He fell to his knees, his eyes downcast, his fingers to his lips. He shook his head, wanted to shake out the past few minutes. This time he pushed away, but he was protecting them, right? Like he always did? Got them into this, like he always did? "This was a mistake, wasn't it?" And he could still feel Ken's tongue against his, and it felt swollen and foreign, and he wanted it back.
  8. Unconventional

    Daisuke laughed. It was one laced with disbelief, amusement, sadness. He gave his arms some slack, let Ken's rigid body drift slightly away from him. "Yeah, you are." He moved his hands up Ken's arms, squeezed them gently as if using it as a reassurance. "And I don't think you'll ever understand how much that means to me." He rested his forehead on Ken's chest, shaking his head as he wrapped his arms around Ken's waist again. The taller man wasn't leaving yet, and he was going to take advantage of the closeness. He wanted to get drunk on it before he maybe lost it forever. "But I mean... Are you... Living it for yourself? Are you living your damn life, Ken? I don't think I am, and I want to fix it. I want to live for myself." The more he talked, the more he knew they'd be going back that night. That this moment would become a memory. That Ken would to go college, and he would be forced to go to ronin school. He'd be behind, he'd be a failure. He's finally get through college, he'd get a job and... How mundane. He felt the anger welling in him again, his fingers twisting across Ken's back. "I want..." Daisuke swallowed. He'd already come this far. He'd kissed him and there was no taking that back. He had feelings, and there was no changing that. "I miss you, Ken. I don't want to keep missing you. This... Place reminds me of us. I want to live for that. You don't have to as well, but I just... I want you to be happy. More than anything."
  9. Unconventional

    Daisuke felt empty when Ken left him, like all of the warmth in him was sucked out and he was left with a frigid, barren tundra. He longed to get it back, needed to get it back. Fumbling after him, he grabbed onto Ken's wrist and reeled him back, pulled him into an embrace so tight that he felt his own breath get knocked out. "Don't leave, Ken. Please." He buried his face into his chest, his fingers balling into the back of Ken's shirt. "I'm sorry. I'm so fuckin' sorry. I didn't mean to." But he did, he did mean to. "I mean, I didn't know how else to make you understand." Understand what? It didn't explain anything. "I know what you're saying. I get it. But you have to see it, Ken. You have to see that the you here is... The us here is different. There's shit to do in the real world. It's good for a lot of people... But can't you see? Can't you see why I feel like this just makes sense?" He feels a sob wrap around his throat, chokes him until there's tears in his eyes. All the anger he felt a short time ago had melted away and replaced with sadness... For himself, for Ken, for them, for the Digital World, their digimon, their future... And he was so frustrated that he couldn't express what he meant, that Ken didn't understand or care to understand. Daisuke's eyes search Ken's. He feels the tense muscles in Ken's back, knows he can wrench out of his grasp if he really wanted to. He hoped with every fiber of his being that he wouldn't. At least for a little while. "I told you to live, Ichijouji. And I just want to know if you did."
  10. Unconventional

    The thumping in his ears wasn't just his heartbeat, it was Ken's too. It drummed so hard that he felt his chest swell, like there was too much blood in his body to be contained by his skin and bones. He could see the throbbing in Ken's neck, see the way his Adam's apple bobbed as he talked, saw the savageness in his eyes trying to consume him. It had been years since he'd seen this... The reminder twisted his stomach, made his voice croak unintentionally as Ken tightened his grip around his collar. Daisuke brought his hands up to plant onto Ken's wrist, he could feel hot breath against his face, and it made him grimace. "Ken," he muttered, only to be berated more, until finally Ken seemed to be out of steam. He was released, and he let go of Ken as well, their bodies still close enough to hear the raised pulse between the both of them. He tried to find words. It's not that he didn't understand what Ken was saying, or where he was coming from. He just didn't understand why Ken couldn't understand where he was coming from. "It's..." He stepped forward, filling the gap between them until their chests were almost touching. Here, at this waterfall, was some of his most cherished memories with Ken. They had been so close since that day in the desert, he had to crash through so many of Ken's barriers to get them to be standing here right now. When they battled, he felt more alive than any other time. He would awake from dreams covered in sweat, heart railing against his ribs, adrenaline screaming to relive those feelings. But these moments... The ones that involved skipping rocks, talking about after school activities, planning their next adventure in lands even uncharted by the Kaiser... They were quiet and insignificant, but it's what made Daisuke fall in love with Ken. He was so... Human when he was in Digital World. So relieved, so free. Why would Ken ever want to go back? Didn't he realize how different he was here? Wait... He loved Ken? His eyes wavered around Ken's face, trying to pick a spot to focus on. Daisuke had attributed everything to just boyish hormones in the past. He felt the sexual tension, wanted to kiss his lips and feel his skin against his. But it never seemed right to act on it. He was a teenager, after all. Fulfilling desires like that for the sake of fulfilling desires could only end in awkward heartbreak. And sure, he always had loved Ken, but... Not like this. Not like this feeling of realization, where everything he had ever done up since their meeting had been for him in some regard. How even now, all he wished for was to be with him, to be with Ken as free and as happy as he can be. Naturally, being in the Digital World is where he concluded they'd end up. His frustrations of being shot down, to be yelled at, seemed validated now. He reached up, gently put his hands on either side of Ken's flushed cheeks, felt the warmth of their anger in his palms. Pulling him down to reach his face, Daisuke looked into Ken's eyes, saw the feral fear in them, felt his own heart break and shatter like them. He was so beautiful and ugly and strong and broken all at once, and it just didn't matter how Ken reacted because he could handle it. They could handle it. Daisuke pressed his lips to Ken's, and it was a stiff awkward thing. Ken wasn't expecting it, and Daisuke hadn't kissed many people in his past. But there was something different about it. There was an electricity to it, like the intimacy of it sparked their jogress connection, ran fire through all of his veins and made him whimper immediately against Ken's mouth. His fingers curled against Ken's cheeks as he kissed him again, felt that sensation like a buried memory from his past, floating to the surface of the now to pop into reality. He kissed him a third time, hoping that Ken would kiss back, that he didn't just let his dumb mind do dumb things again. But he might have. He might have just fucked up big time.
  11. Unconventional

    "Hey." Daisuke scrambled to his feet, slipping slightly on the loose rocks, his knee hitting the ground before finally pushing himself to stand up. "Oi. Don'chya..." He jogged to Ken and grabbed his arm, tugging the man back abruptly. "Don'chya fucking walk away from me, Ichijouji." His brown eyes were roasting under an anger that he was struggling to control. This was all that his mind had been on about for weeks, months. He may have set Ken off, but you know what? Good. "What the hell would you do if Wormmon was left in the Digital World if that were to happen? Huh? What the fuck would you do? I can't even imagine anything worse than losing V-mon. And... And it's..." Daisuke huffed out. He didn't dare to say it. "So what if I would get locked away. At least I would be with him. At least I could be here in a world that I understand. What the hell makes the real world so special? All it has are tests and school and work. Stupid families that treat you like an idiot. Friends that have no time for you, will never have time for you. "'Oh, Daisuke, you can start a family.' 'Hey, Daisuke. You can have your own business.' 'Don't worry, Daisuke, everybody has to go through the same shit.'" He spat in mocking voices. "No I fucking don't. And isn't that just the most grown up shit I could ever think of to do? Think for myself? Do what I want to do? What I know I'm good at? "I belong here, Ken." He didn't realize that his grip had grown so tight, his knuckles white, the veins in his hands throbbing. A sigh escaped from his nose as he withdrew his hand. "I know you lived here, Ken. I know you went through shit. I can't even pretend I understand what you went through. But besides all the..." He waved his hand vaguely. "I... I get why you might have done it. I think I got it even when we were kids. "If the gates ever closed, Ken... Which side would you really want to be on? Just... Entertain the idea for me. What do you want to do in the real world that's worth more than all of this?" He turned slightly, looked out across the river, the foggy mist of the waterfall, the green tops of the trees, the lavender mountains in the distance.The sun was so warm, the sky so blue. So beautiful. He would miss his friends. He would miss his family. But he already missed the digital world, and it was still a place that had always been open for him. He wondered... He wondered...
  12. Unconventional

    Daisuke waved his hand. "Don't talk to me like I don't know that, Ken." It came out with an aggressive edge, and he wasn't about to reel it back in. "I know we're all growing up. Things can't be the way they used to be. Just..." He picked up a pebble and tossed it in the river as he tried to collect his thoughts. "You don't fuckin' get it, man. You never have." He swallowed. "I guess getting people to talk to me has been easier since all that shit we did, but it's not anymore real now than it was then. You guys are my friends. I don't really... Have much else. Or rather, how are other people even supposed to compare?" He laughed under his breath, leaning a shoulder into Ken's. "It's different here, though. I get along with the digimon. There's no big conflicts now, and hopefully never again... But they always need help. We're humans and we're just kinda good at things they aren't sometimes. We could do well here." He left the 'we' ambiguous. Deep down, he'd love the 'we' to include more than just V-mon. "They'd protect us and feed us. We'd be needed." And Daisuke guessed that's what it boiled down to. He had them to believe in, to support, and in return, they found a need for him. Despite all his insistant needs to be noticed, to be impressive, it came down to his simple belief in them that they all relied on. In turn, he relied on that. Now it was gone, and he was floundering. Struggling to see his place in the world. V-mon needed him. The digimon here could eventually. Ken didn't need him anymore. Did he ever, though? Daisuke felt the smile on his face, but it didn't feel real. Eyes unfocused, he bit at the inside of his lip nervously. "This would be different than running away, Ken." And he wasn't exactly sure how, but he realized that it might not have been the best thing to say.
  13. Unconventional

    V-mon had been collecting firewood on their trek up, and Daisuke was working on setting together a fire. He paused at Ken's question, honestly a little surprised that it had been asked at all. "Of course I do." Daisuke said bluntly. "I find I miss it more and more lately..." His voice trailed. Letting his butt hit the pebbled ground, he rested his elbows on his knees and stared off at the river in front of them. "I guess..." Picking up a stray stick, he stokes the wood that has yet to be lit. "You know, I had a purpose back then. When we all were fighting, we were something. I was something. I've never believed in anything so much in my entire life." With his free hand, he scratched at the side of his face before continuing. "You guys were... Amazing. And now..." He craned his neck up to look at Ken. "You're all kinda amazing without me." He laughed slightly before looking back at the pile of wood. "I miss you guys, so coming here makes me feel less like I'm..." Daisuke's shoulders slunk forward. It honestly wasn't that easy for him to make friends. The chosen, their adventures, although they were treacherous, gave him a sense of belonging. It distracted him from himself, gave him faith in those around him. If he could focus on them, then maybe he didn't have to focus on himself. But then they won, and then they started to grow up, and he just... Drifted. He craved the companionship for their comradeship with each passing year that it took a permanent pained residences in his stomach. School, careers, life. It just lost the flavor of desire for Daisuke. He knew what life tasted like back then, and he hadn't had anything like it since. He was afraid he never would. So he skipped exams. He played hooky with his best friend. Because in the long run, did it matter? He wasn't a nihilist, he wasn't suicidal. He knew the answer to the question, but it didn't reside in the "real" world. It was here, at this waterfall, under this sun, breathing this air. Nothing else could compare. He didn't want it to. "Yeah, I love it here. I'd never leave, if I had the choice."
  14. Unconventional

    They were all ready and packed, at least in the physical sense. Daisuke had opened the portal from Ken's computer and entered into the Digital World. The surroundings were familiar, like an old friend welcoming them home. No amount of months away could fade the trails away from his mind. The contour of the forest slicing against the meadow. The nearby river gurgling a quiet herald for their return. He took a deep breath, always surprised how real it felt. He knew he couldn't look at the "real" world versus the "digital" world and expect one to be less tangible than the other. They were both very real spacial planes. He existed just as much here as he did in Tokyo. And if he had to choose one over the other, everything here just felt... Better. He rolled his shoulders, the backpack full of supplies clinking pans against pots and shifting to rest just above his tailbone. "The usual, then?" It was a rhetorical question. V-mon and Wormmon were already scampering off in front of Ken and himself leading the way. He smiled, and it felt as warm as the sun the kissed his lips. The pain in his hand, in his heart, in his mind... It was melting away, and it didn't threaten to freeze again when he looked at Ken. "It's way nicer here. We should have just spent the whole week here, probably." He turned his gaze to ahead of him. They were about to enter the forest. Some trees still had knife marks in their bark, ancient symbols from their shared past. The trail was about two miles long at a steady incline. In the end, they'd end up at a small clearing near a short waterfall. There'd been many nights they'd stay huddled inside a tent much too small for two boys of any age to share. Today, they just intended to set a fire, cook, and return home. Daisuke just had a hard time understanding why he had to go back. "You know, I came here one time. A long time ago... Uh, nah, maybe it was like two years ago," he passed into the forest, Ken following behind. A carved triangle in a nearby tree kept him on track. "By myself. I just, I dunno. I guess I was pissed off at something. At Jun probably. Yeah, no, it was definitely Jun. She was pissed off, because I was just existing." He pauses when he stumbles over a branch, laughing slightly when he regains his balance. "Not like... Not like she wanted me dead, but you know how she can be. She wanted to have a boy over, and I wanted to watch TV. I lost. I got pissed. I came here." He was rambling, but the tension between them was palpable, and he wanted to alleviate that with words. He supposed it didn't matter if Ken was actually listening to him or not at this point. "I didn't even come with V-mon. I just ran up the fucking mountain. The whole way. Then when I got to the top, I screamed." He looked at Ken and smiled. "I screamed so loud that some Gekomon told me to shut the hell up." His fingers wrap around the straps of his backpack. "It felt good, somehow. Maybe it's just... Being here. Not just the Digital World but here. Memories, ya know?" Daisuke takes a sharp turn up a steeper hill, their aged trail telling him to do it. V-mon and Wormmon were so far ahead he could barely even hear their excited giggles. "Shit was simpler back then, I guess." His voice trailed. "Screaming into some treetops probably won't fix any of the shit we're going through now. But I'm excited to try anyway."
  15. Unconventional

    Daisuke's eyes were shut tight as Ken cleaned and covered his wound. He sighed heavily when it was over, and he looked up at Ken's reflection in the mirror. "I've had worse." Which was true, but the panic was still real, and he flexed his injured hand even though it stung. He wondered for a brief moment what was hurting more, his finger or his heart. They both stood there for a few moments. Ken had moved to put the bandages back, Daisuke losing sight of him as the cabinet door opened and closed. There seemed to be a stillness in Ken's face that mirrored his own. It was quiet and behind his eyes, and Daisuke could feel it when their hands touched. There was something off with Ken too, and he wasn't sure what. He wasn't sure if he should pry. Touching his bandaged finger to his lips, Daisuke leaned his butt against the bathroom sink and looked down at the floor. He honestly wasn't sure if he wanted to go to the Digital World anymore. He wasn't sure if he wanted to be here at Ken's, or around Ken, or even think of Ken at the moment. The thought alone upset him, but at that second he felt like it was the right thing. "I don't..." He started, but he was interrupted by Chibimon running head first into the bathroom, a concerned Minomon close behind. "Daisuke~! Are you all right!? We're ready to go!" Chibimon stood back up, his giant head throwing him off balance as he got to two feet. There was a genuine happiness across his face, and the excitement was laden on his voice. It had been months since the two of them had gone--longer since the four of them had gone. Exams. It was because of those damn exams that they couldn't do something like this for so long. Their Digimon deserved this more than anything. He couldn't back down now. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little cut." He smiled down at his partner, and swept down to pick him up in his arms. "Just let us pack up a couple of more things, and we'll get going, okay?" Chibimon nodded against his chest, and Daisuke felt his smile turn real. Daisuke turned back to Ken, finally feeling like he might be able to survive the next couple of hours with his best friend. "You ready?"