Freya

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Everything posted by Freya

  1. In the Roleplaying Classifieds: What?! She said it! Just... a few words might be missing here or there.
  2. Digital Perms

    Words are for poets. Go back there and tell them to fix your hair. Through the medium... of fists.
  3. The Funny Shit Thread

    Funny shit... ENGLAND AMERICA OLD COMICS FRANCE DOGS CATS PRACTICAL JOKES
  4. Can I get some help?

    Boob physics in games - the reason Alienware was invented.
  5. What Motivates You?

    Cheeseburgers is a good motivation. Or gold. Or golden cheeseburgers. Actually, just anything I can eat or horde.
  6. You're a scholar. Did you want more? That's already a big compliment. scholarˈskɒlə/noun 1. a specialist in a particular branch of study, especially the humanities. "a Hebrew scholar" synonyms: academic, intellectual, learned person, professor, man of letters,woman of letters, mind, intellect, savant, polymath, highbrow,bluestocking See that? You're a polymath too. That's like... a pokémon or something. Well done you.
  7. Celebration Thread

    Just come back from my time in the dungeon of the innuendo zombies, it went well. They got my sword in their end-o.
  8. Ya know what else gets chopped off? A hand. The guy whines about it like you'd think he only had one to start with. Rookies.
  9. What Do You Value Most In A Roleplayer?

    A good sense of humour in the selection of their safety word and a great collection of toys.
  10. How do I like my steak...?
  11. The Ballad of Freya Thunderfist Many, many years ago, well... 22 actually, there was born a beautiful baby girl called Freya. That would be me, by the way. I was smokin', even as a baby, just sayin'. This story is about me, naturally. I was born to parents John and Jayne Mundayne. But unlike my parents, who were very much Mundayne in name and deed, I was born of something else. Something a little more magical, a little more special. They knew I was destined for great things. Or I knew I was destined for great things... it might have been me that thought that, cus y'see, they thought I was destined to be a pig farmer. Which is all fine and good for some people, but to me, bacon is for eating. It's a meal, not a career. I wanted adventures and danger and a bow that went 'twang'. So when I was just six years old, I began training with the sword, bow and what little magic I could learn. Okay, look - magic is hard, alright. Get off my back! The fact that I turned a chicken inside out is entirely not my fault. Chickens are supposed to have feathers on the inside, it's... out there. Totally hip. What was I saying, oh yeah - so I trained for years and got really great, even at magic, alright?! That's not up for dispute. I'm a great wizard, sort of. So, anyway, eventually I got strong enough that I left for home on my first adventure. I stopped in at the nearest inn because y'know, inns are where you get quests. That's how that works. Some of the stories were really fascinating and all, like the "Quest to find Terry's bag of peanuts" or "The Quest to get into Guinavere's pants" but to me, there was only one Quest that really stood out from the rest. This was the Quest that said that for 100 years a terrible evil had been sealed into a dungeon, the evil of the Dread Lich. A creature so terrible, so hopelessly evil, that he had his own evil, terrible dungeon. It was all very terribly evil. So, being who I was (awesome) I set off on my adventure. The first problem, was I didn't know where this dungeon was. You can't blame me, okay, maps are for suckers. Unless they're treasure maps, and then they're for Freya. So, I found the nearest orc, and beat the information out of him, and then skewered him with the sharp end of my sword. Because the only good orc, is a skewered orc. Unless you're the 'Orc of Kind Words and Wisdom' in which case, I should have just asked him, instead of beating and skewering him. Sorry, Orc of Kind Words and Wisdom. Sorry 'bout that... in my defence, you looked awfully evil to me... So, with the hard-fought wisdom of google maps, I found my way to the location of the Dread Lich's dungeon. But before I could enter it, a great stone guardian stood in my path. As I stepped before him, he bellowed out to me in a voice a little like, okay, if you can imagine... James Earl Jones, but not fat and kind of stoney, then... okay, anyway, carrying on, he said, "Stop! You there, incredibly handsome and special girl who has a great figure and a bow that goes 'twang'!" I'm not making this up, that's what he said. "Before you can pass, you must answer this riddle - What goes up, but--" And then I was through the doors, because he really should have been paying attention, instead of monologuing. First rule of being evil, you don't monologue. I should have realised the Orc of Kind Words and Wisdom wasn't evil when he offered me a a bag of chips and a selection of dips, but, in my defence, it could have been evil dip. Anyway, so I was through and into the dungeon of the Dread Lich! My first great and grand adventure. All I had to do was get through the dungeon, fight off hordes of enemies, insurmountable in number and evilness, and I would be in the central chamber. Which is exactly where I am right now, as I write this. It's pretty cold in here, I have to say, and it has that distinctly, "When I take this treasure shit is going to go down" feel to the situation. But i'm sure it's going to be fine. I'm just glad this dungeon has a Dread Lich AND treasure. Because a dungeon isn't a dungeon without treasure, adventurers. It's a loot-tease. So, I'll just, gimme a second here Diary, i'm just going to put you down for just a second, while I grab that treasure over there... Oh damn! Okay, so, the Dread Lich is gnarly, i'm kind of hiding right now, and maybe I should be like, writing my will, because like, this guy is SUPER pissed right now. You'd think i'd grabbed his jewels or something. Which, I sorta did. Don't laugh. But hang on, i've got an idea. Okay. That totally worked. The idiot threw a spell at me, and if there's one thing I know about spells, is you don't get hit by the ball of flamey death, because then you get turned inside out. So I grabbed for the pile of treasure and pulled out an ancient shield, and he was totally all, "A shield won't save you, stupid girl!" and I was all, "Dick!" and turned the shield around so that his spell bounced off the curve and reflected back at him. He totally turned inside out. The noise was sort of like a fart escaping from a dead cow. The smell too. Un-read that, if you can. Hah. So, with the Dread Lich dead, I turned my attention on all the glorious, glorious treasure. But one thing really stuck out to me, it was this amulet thingy. I reckoned it held great power and such so I took it, figuring I could sell it for a bacon sandwich or something, but when I put it on, I couldn't take it off! Man, I felt like a chump. A cursed amulet. Listen here, adventurers, when you find evil treasure in an evil dungeon that belonged to an evil Dread Lich. Don't put it on. It's probably cursed. What a rookie mistake. Okay. So, listen here, Diary. A few seconds after putting on that amulet I got sucked through a portal. I don't really know whats going on, I dont think i'm in Norverse any more, these chumps in front of me just started dropping their names on me. Its not like I even asked, but i'm gonna write them down here so when I talk to them I can remember their stupid faces. Maybe i'll take some notes. DragonGuard - He says his name is DragonGuard, but y'know, I think he just wants to sex me. Mystic - Mystic... Mystic... Mysterious. He's probably evil. He looks evil. I might skewer him. BlackZodiac - Huh, another girl adventurer. I don't think there's room for two of us. I might have to 'vote' her off. And by vote, I mean turn inside out. Raine Bell - She's a wily one. Maybe I can teach her some of my magic. Brutal - What kind of a name is brutal? He's holding some kind of projectile weapon. I may have to use my feminine wiles to lower his defences and then kick him in the nuts. Just for safety's sake, y'understand. Asura - Hrmm, i'm not sure about this one. He might be useful. Like, for a treasure carrier, or something. Note to self - possibly don't turn him inside out. Seanzilla - He claims he's an 'RP mod', I don't know what this means, but it sounds like evil wizardry to me, and if the Dread Lich has taught me anything, its to be wary of people called Dread Lich. And... people called Sean. TriOctium - This guy is cooky, I like him. But he might be competition. The portal's closed now, but that treasure is still mine. I had dibs, and if he thinks he's taking it from me, he's got another thing coming. Like an arrow. Valentine - What's with this guy? He hasn't got a clue what he's talking about. I asked him if he had a horse, and he started talking about 'My Little Pony', what the hell is that? It chills me to my very bones. He's getting a 'twang' from my bow. Blackfrost - Now this guy, right here, knows whats up. He's like their party leader or something. He told me that in this world, there's a creature called a 'haggis' thats some kind of hairless hedgehog that runs on three legs. I can trust him. They claim they came here to save me, but I saved myself. Because I got bored. So, i'm not in my world any more. Apparently i'm in some kind of alternate universe called 'Surreality' but hey, things are looking up. I'm on something called 'Twitter', 'Facebook' and 'Tumblr'. I can record my thoughts on those from now on, and apparently, millions, well probably thousands, well... probably just the chumps on Surreality will read my adventures and thoughts. I bet I can make adventurers out of every last one of them. According to their writings, they're already on their way. But, y'know, i'm sure I can teach them a thing or two about adventuring. Okay, so, I guess i'll go introduce myself to everyone now, i'll just drop my details here for future reference and hopefully this'll all work out. I guess Surreality is a pretty good place to start from, it seems like some kind of 'hub world'. My amulet seems to resonate with it. I think, during certain times of the year, my amulet might get strong enough to affect more than just me. And maybe all sorts of characters could come spewing out of their worlds and into Surreality. Just maybe... But, if there's one thing I have to do. I have to make a promise to myself. One day, i'm going to get back through that portal and find my world again. I'm going to find that treasure. And when I do, i'm going to find that Dread Lich, if he's still alive, and kick him right in the jewels. Greetings, adventurers! My name is Freya M-- hrm, I should probably have a more epic name, more fitting to my status now... Greetings! I'm Freya Thunderfist. Nice ta meet 'cha!! Feel free to ask me anything, I guess i'm your mascot now. So suck it up, and ask me a question. No, seriously. This is an 'ask me anything' now. Because I say so, that's why. Twitter - https://twitter.com/FThunderfist Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/freya.thunderfist Tumblr - http://freya-thunderfist.tumblr.com/
  12. Living and happy, see? He's smiling. Super happy fun time. I don't know any other kind of bunny. They all look like this in Norverse.
  13. So you got your dong cut off, so what? Go cry about it, ya baby! You don't see me complaining about not having one.
  14. Hello~

    Robots, huh? I can dig it. Except digging robots. Then they can dig it. Welcome!
  15. Bashed his head in with a carrot. It was like that scene out of Pan's Labyrinth. By the time the squirrel police arrived I was long gone.
  16. Ba dum tssh.

    Hur hur. I see what you didn't mean to do thur. Sexy. Welcome to the forums though, Aylee. I'd offer you treasure, but I need it all. Soz.
  17. I have returned!

    A wizard of spoons, huh? I'm a wizard too. We might have something in common, do you like turning people inside out too? Maybe we can hook up, swap stories, and I can steal your magic staff. That's not innuendo. Unless you want it to be. Then it's still not innuendo, but at least you're being honest with yourself. Welcome!
  18. I happen to be new.

    And now the cold welcome. Get out. Stay out. You're not welcome here. Here be trolls. Which, just so happens to have been slain, by yours truly. You are now safe. And welcome. Aren't you glad you went on that journey with me? We're like best friends now. Except i'm the better friend. You can be my sidekick. But sidekicks still get treasure. You can have... this amulet, just... let me get it off... it's not even cursed, or anything. Honest.
  19. That was not a question, and asking it in the form of a question will get an appropriate response. Like a kick to the jewels.
  20. My gaze pierces cloud, shadow, earth, and forum. You know of what I speak, Wstfgl: a great set of eyes, wreathed in awesome.
  21. I'm evil and you know it! NYA!!!
  22. The problem with being...

    The problem with being a badass adventurer - Nobody can keep up.