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The Gnome and the Sailor

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I worked at a restaurant for about five years before I enlisted about a year ago, and I really loved my job--sure you had to put up with the usual bull shit of the service industry, but when your boss is your best friend, it really helps the day go by. The owner of the restaurant is a great guy who kept this gnome that he didn't exactly know how he got, he just remembered finding it in his garage one day. He kept the stupid thing in the back of the restuarant. No one really paid attention to it so, when I came home on leave before transferring from Illinois to Virginia, I thought, why not steal the damn thing and take pictures of it with them around the world and across the country? I'm not going to even pretend to take credit for this idea, I think I somehow randomly stumbled upon this story of these college kids doing it to some old lady. As of right now I have about 30 pictures or so that I've taken of the gnome in Chicago, Nashville, random mountains in Tennessee, Washington D.C., Virginia Beach, and in Baltimore. Every picture I usually write a silly caption about the gnome on the back. I thought that they would automatically assume it was me, but my friend hasn't said anything or even so much as messaged me on Facebook about it. I'm assuming that no one has noticed it's missing yet, but my pictures should arrive this week so I'm expecting some phone calls. The conversations I imagine will go as follows:


"Jake, did you take the fucking gnome"


"I don't know what you're talking about, Dave."


"Seriously what the fuck. I swear to god, Man. I think my sister gave that to me like 20 years ago."


"Wait is the gnome like missing or something?"


"Shut the fuck up, Jake." 


"Seriously man, that's fucked up, whoever took it is a dick." 


"Jake the gnome conveniently has been everywhere you have been. You were in Chicago, it was in Chicago. You were in Virginia Beach, it was in Virginia beach. You went to Nashville, and there are pictures from fucking Nashville."


"Man, what are the odds of that? Weird freaking coincidence"


"Jesus fucking Christ."


"Yes, my child?" 


"You're in Norfolk right now, right?"


"Yes, you know that Dave."


"The fucking return address is at Naval Station Norfolk."


"Someone is really going through a lot of trouble to frame me here, Dave." 






Long story short, I stole a garden gnome from my friend's restaurant and am sending him pictures of it across the country (I'm from the United States) and soon I'll be going on deploying through the Mediterranean Sea, possibly the Black Sea, coast of North Africa, Persian Gulf, and the Red Sea. Needless to say, Mr. Winkerbottom (the name I've given my friend's gnome) will be going with me. 


Anywho, I'll throw a few of the pictures I like up here for you guys to look at, maybe you can get a good laugh. Once I get back from deployment I'll post more. I'm moving duty stations down to Florida though, so soon I'll get some awesome pictures of the gnome on the peach with a pina colada. After that I leave though and we'll get pictures of the gnome across Europe! 

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I'd love to see them! I really think this is a cool way to do travel photos--I was going to do it when I did my roadtrip last month, but couldn't think of a good "prop". Please post them when you get them in!

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