Bleck

...and it made me frown

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All my friends bailed out on our big plans, so now I'm spending my last weekend in town sitting in my room playing Elsword and listening to music. T.T 

 

Life seriously sucks sometimes. 

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All my friends bailed out on our big plans, so now I'm spending my last weekend in town sitting in my room playing Elsword and listening to music. T.T 

 

Life seriously sucks sometimes. 

Damn. Sounds rough.

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All my friends bailed out on our big plans, so now I'm spending my last weekend in town sitting in my room playing Elsword and listening to music. T.T 

 

Life seriously sucks sometimes. 

I really don't like it when people do that. :<

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9 hour shift with one of my least favorite people yay. And she insists on doing jack shit but paint her nails. Joy :O

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All these roleplays to post in and I'm just like "no I don't wanna post". Got to wait for inspiration to come back to me someday. )))):

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9 hour shift with one of my least favorite people yay. And she insists on doing jack shit but paint her nails. Joy :o

post-6769-aint-nobody-got-time-for-that-

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9 hour shift with one of my least favorite people yay. And she insists on doing jack shit but paint her nails. Joy :o

 

At first I read "9 hours with one of my least favourite people" like a hangout, and thought she must have very long nails. Then I realised you meant working shift. Either way, she founds so useful.  <_<

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Extremely and she thinks shes in charge too

She's obviously in need of a suplex.

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speaking of suplexing

 

I have a friend who requires a missile dropkick to the face.

 

tired of having all these whiny butthurt friends. life is so much easier without friends.

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My friends aren't whiny to me cause they know I'll verbally break them down to tears and give them a reason to be whiny. 

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Really actually not okay with Robin Williams being dead.

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This hit me way harder than I ever thought possible.

 

 

RIP :( 

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Ya know, I feel really numb about it. It made my head spin when I seen it and now I'm just kinda like "..."

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My older brother essentially told me I'm not a worthy human because I'm fat - I don't think he realized what he was implying, or maybe I'm just delusional. And just now I had a confrontation with a guest because I wouldn't accept the credit card he wanted to pay with that wasn't his. He stormed out and shoved open my automatic doors by slamming the emergency panel, now I have to go outside and fix it but I'm kinda worried he might still be out there so I'm waiting inside for a while. :\ 

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Robin Williams isn't dead, he's just been sucked into Jumanji. He'll come back.

Right?

:(

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he's my dad's age and they remind me a lot of each other, both in personality and even the look of their eyes.

these joking people with a deep melancholy in their auras. with dark issues and addictions.

some of my earliest memories are of my dad watching good morning vietnam and popeye, and the first movies I can remember watching with my family like an actual fucking family are hook and mrs doubtfire.

two of my favorite movies are insomnia and one hour photo because I felt like I could connect with that raw darkness he had in them.

 

this really fucked me up and I feel too embarrassed to say this kind of thing, tbh. but I need to say it somewhere. it's really bothering me. it really, honestly feels like I lost my own dad. that makes me uncomfortable. it's so messed up.

 

though I will add that I don't think that I'm the only one who feels like this right now.

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Let it out, Sono, that's what we're here for<3

 

Robin Williams death is sad enough without the association with your father. I find celebrity deaths sad, but this one seems worse. He meant so much, to so many people, and what makes it worse, is the floods of tributes, saying exactly that - how much he was admired, loved etc. He was so adored, and yet he obviously felt completely alone. 

 

Others have said that they don't get it. How can someone who has so much fame and fortune, be depressed?

His death is an awful, awful reminder that money, and material possessions, can not buy you happiness. Also, that just because someone smiles and laugh, doesn't actually mean they're happy. A lot of pain can be hidden behind a smile. 

 

I just...I'm finding it hard. That picture of Aladdin and the Genie hugging that lots of people are posting? It choked me up. 

He's in a better place now, but I miss him. I didn't even meet him.

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I think I've always recognized the sadness that was there.

 

maybe it's one of those "takes one to know one" kind of deals, but I think some people who suffer from depression can pinpoint the signs in other people and I certainly did. people are saying they're really shocked that he felt so alone and depressed but I always thought it was obvious? especially with his less than secret rehab visits and the like?

 

it's tragic, all the stories people are telling about him talking THEM out of their low points in life and to see that he didn't have that same line of support going back to him. or that even if he did, it wasn't enough.

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More and more things like this keep happening and I'm just so frustrated about how people view depression. How it's treated as a whole by, well, everyone. Many many people are depressed or have dealt with depression and even if you haven't dealt with depression you've dealt with simple sadness. Why is feeling sad a weakness? Why is expressing that you feel sad, or feel depressed considered a vulnerability? So many people choose to stuff those feelings deep down inside of them, but honestly it's hurting more people than it helps. It just kind of shows and teaches and tells other people that their depression is something to hide, something to be ashamed of. This makes people feel very very alone..

 

I've got my own depression-y things going on, so maybe I feel more guilty about Robin Williams than is healthy, but I really think society needs a wake-up call. We're all struggling, why struggle alone? Let's all struggle together at least.

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I finally eat for the first time in two days and can only handle a few bites of spaghetti.

My tiny stomach is a punk.

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Just got a new laptop - a mini one, it won't replace my massive Asus gaming laptop - it's adorable and does everything I need except skype... It's technically a chromebook and when I picked it out it didn't even cross my mind that skype was a microsoft program. There is no compatible skype app for this thing, there's an all in one messanger called IM+ that CLAIMS to run skype but after downloading it, skype didn't show up in the programs list that it could connect too. ARGGHH! Also realized as I was typing this that it doesn't have a caplocks key, kinda random, but I'll adjust. 

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Also spend $45 on a commission piece from this artist who confronted me claiming he really liked my characters and would love to draw them for me - this was months ago. I finally decide to spend the money for a piece from him cause I'm a sucker for flattery and I get shit. He says his net was down so he couldn't view my references and sends me this shitty ass piece that looked NOTHING like my characters, they didn't have the right skin or hair color, the one male WAS A FEMALE!!! So I chew him out point out everything that is wrong and he was like "wow, guess I shouldn't have finished it before approval" I wanted to be like YA THINK?? Seriously, I give my artists AMPLE information and I desperately encourage them to ASK QUESTIONS. Anyway, he offers to redo it and since I did give him money I play nice, I tell him sorry to give him trouble and thanks for redoing it. I get to see the line art, it looks good, only a small error that I hadn't noticed from the first piece (I was too distracted by Sage turning into a woman I guess). The next day I get the colored piece, I groan, cause there are STILL errors, you'd think after I chewed him out he would have gone back and reviewed my original note, double checked the references, just to be 100% certain everything was right. Sage turned into a black man(least he's a man now) he's supposed to be like Italian-olive skined(I told him this while I was chewing him out) and he added a scar to Sage's chest which I was scratching my head over, not once did I mention Sage having scars, Seyerna and Aisuriel have a scar on their chest, but not Sage. Again I have to wonder why he didn't go back and review my original note, all of this was mentioned. See if I ever fall for that bullshit flattery again, he obviously didn't give two shits about my characters. 

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Also spend $45 on a commission piece from this artist who confronted me claiming he really liked my characters and would love to draw them for me - this was months ago. I finally decide to spend the money for a piece from him cause I'm a sucker for flattery and I get shit. He says his net was down so he couldn't view my references and sends me this shitty ass piece that looked NOTHING like my characters, they didn't have the right skin or hair color, the one male WAS A FEMALE!!! So I chew him out point out everything that is wrong and he was like "wow, guess I shouldn't have finished it before approval" I wanted to be like YA THINK?? Seriously, I give my artists AMPLE information and I desperately encourage them to ASK QUESTIONS. Anyway, he offers to redo it and since I did give him money I play nice, I tell him sorry to give him trouble and thanks for redoing it. I get to see the line art, it looks good, only a small error that I hadn't noticed from the first piece (I was too distracted by Sage turning into a woman I guess). The next day I get the colored piece, I groan, cause there are STILL errors, you'd think after I chewed him out he would have gone back and reviewed my original note, double checked the references, just to be 100% certain everything was right. Sage turned into a black man(least he's a man now) he's supposed to be like Italian-olive skined(I told him this while I was chewing him out) and he added a scar to Sage's chest which I was scratching my head over, not once did I mention Sage having scars, Seyerna and Aisuriel have a scar on their chest, but not Sage. Again I have to wonder why he didn't go back and review my original note, all of this was mentioned. See if I ever fall for that bullshit flattery again, he obviously didn't give two shits about my characters.

Damn. That sucks. I'm sorry to hear that.

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